have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
