Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
