I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
