i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
