The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is classic penis vs brain.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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