guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
