If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize