That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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