Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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