I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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