All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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