if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
