Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize