this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
