nut hugger
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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