My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
