loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
