Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
