I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
