mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
