Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
