He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
