i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
