I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
soo... how was my night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize