Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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