I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize