he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize