fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How naked do you want me to be?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
