dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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