Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
