the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
