I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So vagazzling was a success
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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