i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i drank out of a bidet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
