i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
