Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
