I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
