I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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