fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
