Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
