ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
