he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
