my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
