What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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