We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
