it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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