Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
