Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she looked like the before picture.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
