He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
