I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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