Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my phone needs a breathalizer
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
