is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
