I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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