My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
