last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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