so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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