Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
