I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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