I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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