Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
