Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please, let me fuck your mom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There are leaves in my underwear?
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