I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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