Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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