"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
