that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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