New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
